Writer's Block

The more you know, the more you know you don't know.
-Aristotle

Does it ever seem like the more knowledge you have, the harder it is to write something? I feel like after all my years of learning that it just gets harder to write something because I know how insufficient it is. I feel like there is now this necessity to be grand and complete.

So nothing is getting done. Every step forward is accompanied by two steps backwards.

I know I can't be everything to everyone, but, dammit, I want to be. I want to be everything to me, at least, and that is becoming more and more demanding a proposition.

I think the answer is inevitably going to be that I just have to start with something. Anything. Then that something will have to be revised and embellished and cut and fucked around until it gets to where it needs to be. But that something has to come from nothing. A lot of nothing.

AAACK!

I'm Alive, How's That?

I think it's safe to assume no one is reading this, except maybe me.

Well you know what happens when you assume, don't you?

So, being alive is an interesting thing -- and it seems to be ALL I'VE got to be.

But how did I get this way? And is there another way I could have been? I didn't ASK to be alive.

I think about Lazarus living (in his afterlife) eternally in the lap of Abraham. It would be nice to always have someone there to cradle you and tell you everything will be alright. But I wouldn't want to have to suffer a tormented life just to live in some dude's lap for eternity.

When you're lost, when you're alone and you can't get back again
I will find you and darling I'll bring you home.
-Sade, By Your Side

So who's going to find me and bring me home? And who's going to watch me die?

Que sera sera, I guess. But I want to know now. I want to be everything -- not just alive. Don't tell me the future's not ours to see. Don't tell me you want to see other futures.